(Gather)^Infinity

Everyday of my life there is one thing I hear and also do - Gather. We gather everything that makes it to the earth. As a kid I never really had any thoughts about owning things. Well maybe stationaries- I loved to have these amazing sharpeners, erasers, pencils and pens. Then it grew into books. I rarely bought anything but when I did, I wanted the branded stuff. I thought well if it's the best it ought to last long. Anywhere I went I took a book. I thought I could read up on something. If at my doctor's office waiting for my turn, I had to pick a book to read. If at a bus stop waiting for a friend, I had to read. Gather Gather..always lost in a world where I thought I have to keep gathering something new that would 'enhance' my mind and life.

One day I did realize that I was heading nowhere reading or gathering stuff. I just do it because I have never really given a minute to just be. Then it dawned how beautiful it was to do nothing and just be. Silence was simply beautiful. I enjoyed being alone and just living my day and not planning it. Talking to everyone I met in the colony I stayed, walking to a store and randomly talking to people, going to Crossword and having a chat with the guys working there, sitting there and just watching people come and go. I watched them discuss books, beliefs; argue why they were correct. Life suddenly seemed all so very unique. I slowly started giving up all the petty wishes of owning things. The hardest was parting with books. I always bought books. I tried to give up on that too. I felt different and the ego also told me that I was unique since I was doing something towards the world. Humph! Still half the time it was the ego being fed. I tried to find answers for selfless service. I tried asking - 'If we are doing some service to satisfy oursleves isn't that selfishness?' Someone tried giving me a genuine answer based on faith. Though I believe in God it sounded so lame. I wanted something stated very profoundly ..something that I had not heard of before. Something that 'I' could not think up. I searched more - But I heard the same thing.

Finally, my love for academics saw me finding my way into US. A student life was good for two reasons. One you have no time to think. Two you have all the world's time to think. I saw myself reading a lot more books. I wanted to learn Physics, Math, History, Neuroscience, Music. All that would tell me about the working of the world around me. I discussed it with my friends. I thought I ought to let them know all that I had learnt. My conversations with people was always about something new I had read up. It actually felt good to be the first to introduce them to all these new concepts I was learning. Then suddenly it all seemed strange to be doing it. It was taking me nowhere. It was plain satisfaction of ___? I don't yet have an answer. But it was a stage where I learnt a lot about myself.

Life is so very simple that we can't bear the fact of it's simplicity. So we try to conjure some difficult feats for us to achieve. Just being honest with oneself makes everything a path to bliss. I read/met people who were super intelligent and yet the humblest...people who might not spill a brilliant pun but yet the wisest of minds. All of them humbled me. But there is always the desire that I ought to be different and unique. I've gathered yet not free.

The day I stop gathering I would set myself free.